What the Heart Wants: A Pride Story Read online

  What the Heart Wants

  A Pride Story by D.C. Williams

  Copyright 2015

  D.C. Williams

  All Rights Reserved

  This ebook is licensed for your own personal enjoyment only. It may not be sold, shared, or given away, even if received as a free download. If you have enjoyed it, tell your friends to get their own copies. This one is yours.

  Chapter One

  “Hey, you’re up early on a Sunday.” Will’s mom was in the kitchen and making coffee, although it wasn’t even nine yet.

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s too nice to sleep.” He let his backpack dangle from one hand, hoping she wouldn’t notice that he was holding it.

  “You’re off somewhere?” Busted.

  “Yeah,” he muttered, hoping she wouldn’t ask where even though he wasn’t wearing work clothes and she had asked about his schedule for the week.

  “Beach?”

  “Maybe,” he lied. “A bunch of people were talking about going.” Which was true, but they’d gone yesterday and he’d been working. He’d requested today off two weeks ago, but she definitely didn’t need to know that.

  She smiled at him. “Cute girls, I bet. Must be nice to have a Sunday off for once. Enjoy the summer. You only have one between high school and college.”

  Thank God for that. His mother had been going on for weeks about how magical that summer was, and all Will wanted was for it to be over so he could start his not-high-school life. He didn’t know if he was going to have that “no cute girls for me, Mom” conversation when he left for freshman orientation, or later. Like maybe in a decade.

  “Have fun,” she said.

  “I will,” he answered, and made good his escape before she started to wonder why he hadn’t asked for the car keys.

  * * * *

  The bus to the city stopped just a few blocks away, and NJ Transit’s website had told him when the earliest one came. He had plenty of time to make it into New York before the parade started, but he didn’t want to get caught in traffic and miss anything. Will surreptitiously watched other passengers get on, wondering if any of them had the same goal he did. The big, noisy family with rainbow umbrellas couldn’t have any other destination, and probably the two cute young guys in shorts, but the rest of the bus was a mystery.

  Will had thought about asking someone if they wanted to go with him. Braden or Cody maybe, although he would have had to do it before graduation, because he didn’t hang out with either of them, and asking one of them for a phone number would be weird, to put it mildly. Trevor and Donovan had been a nine days wonder in April when they got caught a) skipping school to go down the shore together, and then b) spending the night in a hotel instead of going home like people who didn’t want to get busted.

  Will sort of hung out with Don, and he could have called him to see if he wanted to go, but he and Trev were joined at the hip these days, at least when they weren’t grounded, and his mom would not be happy if she realized he was calling Don up. Will would not have said anything, but Don and Trev’s little escapade had been all over school, and of course his sister Brittany had brought it up at the dinner table. His mother had made a face and said, “Brit, that’s not a subject for mealtime. Will, you don’t see much of Don, anymore, do you?”

  Will had shrugged and said, “Not really,” cringing inside because he knew what was coming next.

  “Good. You never know, he might start to get funny ideas about your friendship. Be a bad influence.”

  Or a good influence. One who had the balls to go for what he wanted. Even if what Don wanted was Trevor McAnn, who was a skinny goofball. That was not going to be a fun conversation with his parents. If Will ever grew enough nads to have it, which wasn’t that likely since he knew part of the reason he hadn’t called anyone up was that he was still a coward about coming out even to people who he knew were gay.

  The bus pulled into the Port Authority and Will grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs to the street. He wasn’t exactly familiar with New York, other than a couple of school trips and a few visits to Rockefeller Center and Radio City at Christmastime, but it was pretty easy to get himself pointed downtown. He stopped at a McDonalds to use the bathroom, which took half an hour because the line was so long, and bought himself an ice-cream.

  It was easy to tell he was approaching the parade route. Lots of rainbow stuff, big groups of people having a good time. No-one was looking at him. Why would they? Nothing to see here. Just another skinny kid in jeans and a blue t-shirt.

  The crowd had people of every description. Lots of them didn’t look “gay.” Probably some of them weren’t. Will knew the parade was a big deal, and plenty of people came to New York this weekend just to see it. Once he got to Fifth, the street was heavily lined with spectators. There was still close to an hour to go, but the place was packed.

  Crap, he should have started earlier. Will tried to edge out of the stream of foot traffic , figuring if he moved around a little he could find a spot where he could at least sort of see without jostling anyone. Even if he wished someone would jostle him. Some of these guys were hot. And he could look. No-one would be freaked out that he was checking out the scenery.

  Someone touched his arm lightly. An older man was smiling at him. Damn, the guy was smoking. He had to be at least Will’s dad’s age, but Oh fuck, yeah. Big guy, in great shape with biceps Will bet he couldn’t wrap both hands around. Defined chest, even though his shirt wasn’t that tight. Clean shaven, short gray buzz-cut, sexy crinkles in a tanned face around deep set blue eyes. “By yourself, kid?”

  “Yeah,” Will nodded.

  “We got room for a skinny one up here. Jase, we have company.” Another man, probably a few years younger and not quite as buff, moved back a little so Will could shimmy up front and squat by a large cement planter.

  “Hi, kid,” said Jase. “Kev, this one’s way too little, throw him back.” Then he smiled and said. “Bok, bok, really.”

  Will hoped he didn’t look too confused.

  “Chicken,” said Kev. “Jailbait.”

  Will knew he was blushing. “I’m eighteen.”

  “And it’s pride. This guy has his mind in the gutter.”

  Jase rolled his eyes extravagantly. “I do not. First Pride?”

  Will admitted it was.

  “Welcome to the Family.”

  “Thanks.”

  Jase and Kev talked to each other about various things, occasionally including Will in their conversation, although a lot of it seemed to be gossip about various friends of theirs. Will couldn’t tell if the two men were a couple or not, but they obviously had known each other for a long time. The events in some of their better stories seemed to have occurred before Will was born.

  Something seemed to be happening. Will could hear the crowd revving up, and the roar of distant engines. Kev turned to him, lips close to Will’s ear because of the noise from all those people, “Dykes on Bikes always start the march. Here come the ladies.” Will tried to ignore the shiver as Kev’s breath ghosted over his neck.

  Women on motorcycles. Then cars with the Grand Marshals and veterans of the Stonewall riot. Fire trucks and police cars. Politicians. City service workers. Military veterans. Churches and community groups and big corporate floats with gorgeous go-go boys. Jase had checked his phone periodically, and they were about an hour into the parade when he held his cell in front of Kev’s nose, presumably so he could read a message. Kev nodded. “Go have fun, I’m fine here.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yeah. Will can keep me company.”

  Jase laughed. “I’m sure he can. Be good, boys.”

  * * * *
>
  Will had thrown a couple of bottles of water in his backpack along with other crap, like the highly optimistic clean underwear, condoms, and lube, but it was hot, and he’d finished the second bottle not long after the parade started. There were guys walking up and down, selling refreshments and souvenirs, but he didn’t feel like paying four dollars for water. Kev and Jase had been pulling obviously cold bottles of the stuff out of a little bag, and Will was trying not to stare as he got hotter and thirstier. He figured they had to be close to the end, and he’d find someplace to buy a drink that wasn’t ridiculously overpriced.

  “Hey, kid,” said Kevin, “do you need a water?” He proffered a sweating bottle of lemon flavored sparkling Poland Spring.

  “Yeah,” said Will. “Thanks.” He took the bottle.

  Kevin was looking at him intently. “Open the bottle. Listen.”

  Will did, not sure what he was listening for, other than the hiss of escaping bubbles, which was pretty much lost in the crowd noise.

  “Always make sure it cracks. Don’t take something opened from someone you don’t know.”

  “Really?” That sounded like paranoid spy fiction.

  “Really. You never know what crap someone might have put in there. Women watch for that shit, but men mostly don’t. It happens, especially to cute young guys.”

  Will flushed at the “cute”. “I’m not…” He knew he was floundering a little. “I don’t…”

  “Yeah,” Kevin smiled, and there was something infinitely kind in that smile. “Just watch yourself. Don’t let anyone take from you what you don’t want to give.”

  “No,” he swallowed.

  “Not yet? You have time. You don’t need to be in a hurry. Be careful. Use a condom. They’re a pain, but they’re also probably why I’m still here.” Will realized that Kevin must remember all too well when AIDS has spread unchecked and there wasn’t really anything doctors could do for it yet. “Too many friends,” said the older man. “People who should be here. Least I can do is try to drum some sense into your head. Not to be a downer.”

  “No,” said Will, although it was kind of a buzzkill, and he knew HIV was going to feature heavily in the discussion he was going to have with his parents. “I, uh, need to think about this stuff.”

  “Yeah, you do. Don’t let it ruin your good time, but you want to play safe.”

  The parade was wrapping up, and Will slowly got up and stretched. The muscles in his legs were screaming from mostly squatting for so long. Will knew there was stuff going on downtown from his online research, but he wasn’t old enough for a lot of it, and he didn’t have a huge amount of money with him anyway.

  “Going home?” asked Kev.

  “Yeah.”

  “Westchester?”

  “Jersey.”

  “Want to get some lunch first? My treat. Jase and I didn’t have real plans, and he’s definitely engaged for the rest of the day.”

  Will looked at Kev carefully. The man hadn’t been very flirty, not that Will was completely sure what flirting with guys was really like, and he wasn’t sure he’d mind either if Kev was interested. Kev and Jase had a light banter going with a little bit of a sexy edge, but they had only sort of involved Will, and he wasn’t at all sure if it really counted as flirting.

  Kev smiled. “No strings, Kid, I am wa-a-ay too old for you. And one of the other things you should always remember is that you don’t owe anyone sex because they took you out.”

  “Sure,” said Will.

  They walked companionably to a hole-in-the-wall Thai place where Kev ordered them both noodles and a thing with duck, which Will wasn’t sure he’d had before.

  They had their drinks and were waiting for their food when Will asked cautiously, “Jase, had, uh…”

  “A hot date? Yeah, guy he works with that he’s been flirting on and off with for a couple months.”

  “Oh, I thought maybe you and him were together, or something.”

  “Something.” Kev took a long swallow of beer. “We’ve been friends a long time. We tried it as a couple for, oh four or five years.” He laughed, “Not as seriously as that might sound. We didn’t live together, which was smart, since we eventually decided we really were better as friends. That was, heck, early nineties I guess?”

  Will had been born in 1996. He suddenly felt very, very young.

  Kev continued. “Since then, just buddies, occasionally with benefits, but we’re each other’s family. I’d trust him with my life. So, are all the boys in New Jersey blind, or are you just being cautious?”

  Will shook his head, “Just, not really…”

  “Not out yet?”

  “Not at all.” Will stared into his ginger ale. “You’re the first person who knows I’m gay.”

  “As long as I’m not the last. No need to shout it from the rooftops if you don’t want to, but don’t cheat yourself out of the chance for someone special.” Kev looked a little sad and Will changed the subject, asking the older man what he did for a living.

  Which turned out to be photo editor at an ad agency.

  “Like Mad Men?” asked Will.

  Kev laughed. “Nah, I’m not quite that old. Went to art school, thought I was a photographer, and even in those days they were coming out of the woodwork, and I had a knack for manipulating both film and prints, back when we actually did that. On a lightbox. With an Xacto knife in hand, plus a couple of other tricks nobody uses anymore.”

  Will stared at him. “Didn’t you use computers for editing, even before everything went digital?”

  “Sure, in the eighties and early nineties, but I started my first job in 1978.” His voice went soft. “I’m sixty years old, kiddo, which is why I’m being good, cute as you are.”

  Will blinked and then flushed. Sixty? The guy was stacked, and still hot as hell. Will kind of thought he liked older men, even if he hadn’t put any of the theory into practice, but that made Kev old enough to be his grandfather.

  “You don’t look…”

  “Thanks, I try to take care of myself, but some days I feel sixty and then some.”

  “Do you regret not doing the photography?”

  “Not really. Good way to starve, and I kept up a little. Amused myself mostly, sold a few pictures here and there, although not recently, because the stock photo market’s flooded. You’re in college?”

  “In the fall.”

  “What are you going for?”

  “BFA, I think.” His parents weren’t thrilled by that. They were okay with Art, kind of, but they wanted him to go for the BA along with the teacher certification program. His mother also seemed to overestimate the marketability of graphic design degrees, and kept suggesting that as an alternative.

  “What do you do, paint? You’re not a photographer, are you?”

  “Not really, no.” He’d never had access to a decent camera, but he didn’t think it was his métier. “Draw, mostly. Some digital stuff. Did a graphic novel with a friend. She wrote the story line and I drew it.”

  “Competitive, but I’m sure you know that, and it’s hot right now.”

  Will nodded.

  They sat and ate Thai food and talked until it was so late Will really needed to catch that bus, because his mother was going to be calling his phone to ask what time he’d be home. Outside the restaurant they exchanged emails, and Will turned uptown to the station, as Kev headed downtown. Will didn’t know if he was going home or seeking further adventure.

  Chapter Two

  Will might have been kind of shy about emailing Kev, but a week later, after a bunch of pointed enquiries from his mother about if he wanted to invite a “friend” over for the giant barbecue she was planning for his father’s birthday, he looked up the guy on Facebook and sent a friend request. Not that he was inviting Kev to the barbecue. He was sure the guy would prefer a root canal. Will might agree with that agenda.

  He had thought about inviting Emily, his old art class partner in crime. She was cool, and wouldn’t mis
take it for an overture, but his mother was a) convinced he had romantic intentions and Emily was stringing him along, and b) he could do much better, since Emily wasn’t exactly glamorous, with her purple streaked hair and Converse high tops.

  Finally, since she’d asked him again when he’d just gotten out of work and was in a particularly evil mood, Will suggested that Don and Trev might be free. He thought his mother’s face might freeze that way. She did get the hint and leave him alone after that, but he posted “feeling aggravated” on FB and Kev messaged him.

  Okay there, kid? Thanks for the request.

  Yeah. My mom’s just giving me a hard time. Thanks for accepting.

  No prob. Anything in particular?

  Not really. Just my mom giving me grief about not inviting the girlfriend I don’t have to a family thing.

  Ah. Well, you could either say something, which might not be a great idea at your age, or you could just wait for her to figure it out when you never do show up with that girlfriend.

  If it was only that simple. She thinks I like this girl who’s a friend of mine, the one I told you about, who wrote the story for that graphic novel, and she’s not really happy about that. Thinks I could “do better.” Whatever that means.

  Oh. Well that’s a decent beard, if nothing else, even if it is making you a little nuts.

  It’s kind of making me a lot nuts, frankly, because it’s non-stop, “What about Kristen, what about Kaitlyn?” What exactly is a beard?

  Cover story. Disguise. Fake girlfriend or wife or whatever, usually. In your case, real friend who’s a fake crush.

  Will was about to reply that Emily wasn’t a fake crush, and it was all his mom when he realized that he had been kind of letting her think that. Yeah, I guess. I feel weird about it though. Is it bad to pretend to have a crush on someone?

  Only if they mind, or you’re leading them on. She’s not interested, is she?

  Oh, fuck no! She’s got a boyfriend. The somewhat hygiene challenged musician at least a decade older than Will and Emily that her parents only half knew about. Probably because they thought she kind of had a thing for Will. He felt better.